Hi, I'm new here. I'm depressed and I've been on Prozac since April. Every time I see my psychiatrist she raises my dose, so I guess I haven't reached a high enough level yet. Usually I can sort of control the things that go on in my life, and I guess that helps me feel a little less sad, because when I feel like things are out of my control, I kind of flip out and things are so much worse. But two nights ago, I made a really big mistake when I was drunk, and now things are so out of my control. I've betrayed a really good friend of mine, and I don't know if things between us are going to be okay again. And even if they will be okay, I feel awful because things were great between us before and now it doesn't seem like things will be able to go back to the awesome level they were at, and I'll be lucky even if things become just okay again.
I love my friends very very much. I honestly don't think that I would still be here without them. I rely on them so much and I need them more than ANYTHING. It's hard enough that we all leave for college in a couple of months, and I am going to lose their immediate presence and have to make a bunch of new friends, but I can't handle the thought of completely losing him NOW and not being able to fix things before he leaves.
I feel awful, and this is making me even more depressed than I already am. I've talked to him about it, and I admitted my mistake, and he said he didn't really feel like he had a right to be mad, but at the same time he didn't sound like he was okay either. I don't know what to do at this point, I don't know how to fix what I've done, and I don't know how to help myself feel happier again. I need help... I need someone to talk to... I just don't know what to do...
Thanks for listening, sorry if I'm just rambling... <333 shannon