My friends are pissing me off so bad right now. A while back we had a sort of unofficial falling out over a boy. Part of it was my fault, part of it was their fault, but regardless, out of my group of friends, two are not speaking to me. This other girl I've remained somewhat close to, and we went to see Anchorman the other day (shamesless plug--it's a great movie).
The whole way home she talks about the two girls who aren't speaking to me, and how much fun they've been having, and how she and one girl are planning to visit the other at camp. I am unbelievably jealous and I hate myself so much.
I blame myself for so much of what has happened, but instances like this are why I don't want to make an effort to patch things up. I mean, one reason everyone was mad with me was that I spent all my time with my boyfriend. During all of June my friends had summer school, and since my boyfriend and I are going to be apart for most of this month, we spent a lot of time together (In my defense, many of our outings were senior parties that we were both invited to). Since he's been gone, I've used this as an opportunity to try to get closer to my friends.
So on Thursday night I go to a church festival with some non-estranged friends. I had a blast, and I was really hopeful that I would find balance--that things would get better between my friends and I. Then on Friday night, my friend makes me feel so horrible about myself.
It makes me want to just give up this whole thing. But I'm so lonely. This is just so hopeless.
I went out driving with my dad today, and I kept thinking about how great it would be if I could take a road trip with my friends once I (finally) get my liscense. Then I would remember that they all hate me, and oh, by the way, they're going on their own road trip. Without me. Some of those girls I've known since first grade.
Thanks for your time guys. I just need to let this out.
OH! Random thouht...anybody who has been on Effexor, is nausea a side effect? I woke up this morning, and I just felt horrible. I wasn't able to eat until the afternoon.