mf-er (hollow_smiles) wrote in support_group,
mf-er
hollow_smiles
support_group

hey, i'm megan and i just joined. i've been cutting since i've been 13. i stopped for like a year but last year i started again being that my best friend started cutting, my grandpa died, and my boyfriend and i "took a break" and i don't know but that triggered it i guess. no one knows i cut except a few of my really close friends. i think some people at school have noticed but they haven't said anything. to be quite honest, i hate the fact that i cut. it makes me feel disgusting and guilty. if my parents ever found out what i do they'd probably lock me away because having a daughter that goes to therepy is absolutly out of the question. i'm their perfect little girl. i get good grades, have enough friends, and i've been doing ballet since i've been 3. there have been countless times when my friends have told me how i have "a perfect life" and whenever i hear it, i just want to cut myself more. i have suicidal thoughts and i hate it. i can't stand myself. i want to stop, but then again i don't want to. it really helps me deal with things so i don't have to talk about it to anyone. i'd feel stupid talking to my friends about it because A) they'd never talk to me again B) they'd just feel sorry for me and shit C) some of them are depressed and i'd just feel stupid talking to them about my life when they've gone through a lot more things then i have. i do want help, but i don't think i could handle it if people knew that i cut myself and throw up half the things that i eat. but whatever. i'll be ok. i'll just go on with empty smiles and forced laughs and nights that last forever. maybe i'm just overdramatic. maybe i'm insane. idk. i was just wondering if anyone can relate to any of this or whatever.. thanks <3
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