Katie YO! (pseudonyma1) wrote in support_group,
Katie YO!

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Newbie Here...this might be a double post (my computer is being mean)

My name is Katie, and I was diagnosed with clinical depression today. (wow, that felt kind of AA-like).

I feel really alone right now, and I'm really scared. My doctor is sending me to a psychologist, and they might put me on medication. I'm really opposed to that (not sure why). I mean, if I start taking a medication, it feels like I'm just tricking myself into feeling good. Or, is the medicine going to make me feel void of all feelings? I hate that I've been so sad lately, but I love my emotions...it's who I am. "Highly emotional and loud"

I keep feeling angry about this...or in denial. It's only been about nine hours, and I'm going crazy.

What makes me really mad is that I was getting better on my own before my physical today.

Well, over and out all.
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I found out when I was 14 I am manic depressive. Saw 2 shrinks, and nothing. Stayed on prozac for 12 days, and dropped it. Meds aren't for me, and doctor's aren't for me. I always felt the same as you about the meds. I felt I would be fooling myself if I felt better taking them. I abused substances that numbed me, and I didn't want to attach myself to another substance that would not let me feel like I had control over myself. I didn't want to coast thru my problems on something and not feel totally responsible for handling them. My moral has always been the only person that is going to change me is me. No doctor or pill can cure me.
I am doing ok now, but I am still in and out of depression. Maybe I will grow out of it, maybe I won't. In the 6 years of this all I have managed to turn my life around. I quit using drugs and alcohol. Not that I had a huge problem with them, but I was out of control when I used them. I have dropped many other habits that were self destructive. I have good days, I have bad. If I can quit coke, booze, weed, cutting, suicide attempts, dramatic relationships, sex, and everything else I think anyone who has their mind set to it can. I still have a problem with repeating my past. But all in all I am a healthier better person.
Sometimes you keep your problems inward for so long it takes a simple task such as a physical to make you crack. Realize it or not your problems are still there unresolved, even if you put it far far away. Sometimes things that weren't problems at the time of action become problems later in time. You never know when your moods will swing, and you can't predict every episode. You just have to learn how to work thru everything and deal with everything the best you can. In time you will come better in tune with your body, but for now this is all new to you.
I know it is tough. Depression is not a weakness or a charter flaw. It is a REAL physical problem. If you had diabetes would you take insulin? There is no difference. What ever you do I hope it goes well for you:)
hey it's not something to worry about
depression is a physical condition it itsn't something mental
it will just help you be your *normal* self again
and lessen they fear you might have
i was diagnosed depressed too
was really reluctant at first
but I had no choice anyway and things have been clearing themselves up